Readers reply: why is it easier to remember that I’ve forgotten something than to remember what I’ve forgotten? | Life and style

Why is it easier for me to remember that I forgot something than to remember the thing that I forgot? John Gray, York

Send new questions to nq@theguardian.com.

Readers respond

Wait, I know that. sparklesthewonderhen

Because the former is a concept and the latter is a detail. And you will know me

Consider yourself lucky that you can still remember that you forgot something. ItsBouquet

If you’ve forgotten something you know you should have remembered, thinking about it too much won’t help. Come back to it in 10 minutes – if you remember to! Edricom

Sometimes people use the expression “I forgot” as an excuse. My answer has always been, “You didn’t forget – you remembered to forget.” Richard Dopson, retired psychologist, Vancouver, Canada

Like tying a knot in a handkerchief but then not being able to remember why you tied it? A lot of things are going on in your mind. Juggling many balls in the air, it is almost certain that you will forget about one of them and only remember it when the pattern is broken. You need a specific task memory aidnot the knot in the handkerchief. Mr. Cassandra

Even worse is remembering you forgot to do something, then remembering what you forgot to do, going back to do it and finding you already did it but forgot you did it did. I think this is happening to me more and more, but I wish I knew for sure. BelowTheTideline

I could be wrong, of course, but I tend to think that we’re not generally more forgetful over time, but rather that we place more importance on the potential for forgetting (and think it’s worse). I have no evidence to support this, but I’m not sure I just suddenly forgot to remember things. I just think that as you get older, your natural default is to worry that you have some kind of degenerative disease because that’s what we’re force-fed. Sure, there are people with problems, but most of us probably panic for no reason.

I worked with someone who got to the point where he’d leave the house, get halfway to work, then convince himself he’d left the front door open or the stove on. He surrendered and returned home. Sometimes I think this, but whereas with the confidence of youth I would immediately dismiss it, now I honestly think about it. I convince myself that my doubt is nonsense, and lo and behold, when I get home, I am right. Heath Robinson

When I can’t find my glasses, I often forget to remember as I wander around why I wanted them in the first place. Any octogenarian like me will agree. RPO Orlando

I say to my imaginary cat. If I had a real cat I would tell her, but I don’t. I may not remember doing something, but if I tell my imaginary cat that I did it, then I will remember it. Weird huh? Easytiger77

The brain probably remembers almost everything it notices, but it needs help retrieving that information at a later stage, especially when the information has not been labeled as important. Just because something is “urgent” or “must be done” doesn’t mean your brain will classify it as important; it might be something you’re not comfortable doing, or you’re not sure or ready for, in which case another mechanism might even be trying to help you no i remember You will usually remember things that are important to You or that you want to do. For the rest, you need to learn how to remember better, through tags, games, associations, etc.

Think of all those tip-of-the-tongue problems: knowing you know, but not being able to find the answer at that moment. Your brain often keeps searching when you’ve given up, delivering the answer later. Michael

An old neighbor of ours told me once that he has memory pills but forgets to take them. I i think he was joking. dargs

A very common cause of short-term memory loss is that evolution has trained us to wipe our short-term memory when we enter a new place so we can assess the dangers. We divert our attention from memory to the immediate environment, thereby forgetting something, but know that we have forgotten something because we are in a new place and must have gone there with a purpose.

For example: I’m in the living room and I want to cut a tag off a shirt I just bought, but I know the scissors are in the kitchen. When I walk into the kitchen, I erase my short-term memory because I shift my focus to the new environment to look for threats—mice, rats, snakes. (No, my kitchen is not that hideous…) Although I have already forgotten why I entered the kitchen, I know that I did so for a reason; why else would I be there?

The way to get my memory back is to retrace my steps. This introduces the paradox that by moving to the old location, which is now a new location, I erase the short-term memory again. The difference is that since I’m back where I started, there’s a physical reminder of my original intention to trigger the memory, so I remember why I went to the kitchen because I see that the object then requires scissors. MrNorrisChangedEmail

It could be some kind of tragic relationship problem. Have you considered a career as a county and western songwriter? Andrew Carroll